Lately my life has been ruled by 3 little words: I have to
As in….
I have to go to the store.
I have to do the laundry.
I have to clean the house.
I have to prepare for Bible study.
I have to have a quiet time.
When I am told I have to do something, two things generally happen:
1. Like a 2 year old, I rear back my head and refuse to do what I am told. My rebellious spirit springs forth and I don’t do anything, or
2. My type A personality takes over and I become obsessed with all the things I have to do and feel pressured to complete them all and complete them perfectly.
Neither option is healthy or productive.
I know that everyone has to do things in this world. It’s a part of life. I just don’t think I should feel forced or pressured to do things that are necessary. I desire a heart that does these things, not because I have to, but because I want to, because the joy of doing them makes it all worthwhile.
Yes, I know it’s all about my perspective. Rather than saying I have to, I should probably view it as a privilege that I have a family and am able to take care of them, that I can study a Bible without fear or condemnation, and that I have a God who wants to commune with me. I’m able to, I get to. I understand that.
But if our mouths speak from the overflow from our hearts (Matthew 12:34) and that’s not how my heart feels, then wouldn’t I just be speaking words for the sake of saying them? Where’s the good in that?
I have pondered this for several days and have yet to come to any conclusion. Am I being selfish? Am I ungrateful or discontent? What will make the difference?
Any thoughts, ideas or suggestions? I’d love to hear what you think.
For now I’m off….I have to be somewhere. Lord, help me!