Blog Interrupted

36. That's the number of days that have passed since my last post. I think that largely exceeds the recommended number of days between posts if you want to keep a "following".

I could give you a list of reasons why I haven't blogged, but I'm tired of making excuses.

Basically it boils down to fear, doubt, laziness, and lack of discipline. It's not that I don't want to write, it's just that my emotions (and my flesh) tend to get the better of me. I love writing! I'm always rolling around ideas in my head and forming the words that I hope will inspire, encourage, and excite you. But rather than sit down and actually do it, I let the wall that stands in front of me, the wall that I've help build, keep me from doing what I feel called to do.

And yesterday, God finally called me on it. And then again today.

He showed me that I have neglected to do what I need to do and that if I am unwilling to do it, then He will find someone else who is committed, responsible, and faithful to His plan. OUCH! I have been entrusted with a gift and I have failed to use it properly. And he who is faithless with the little things will never be entrusted with more (Matthew 25:21).

In addition to my lack of commitment, my lack of zeal and belief haven't helped either. I constantly doubt and wonder if my words are making a difference, if anyone is actually reading them, if I will ever be a writer whose words flow off the page and into the deep recesses of a reader's heart, and if God can really use me for greater purposes. These doubts and fears paralyze me to the point where I can't, and don't, write. So, I have to overcome my unbelief.

I said I didn't want to make excuses (which I'm really good at), and I hope I haven't. I just wanted to share the honest truth with you. And even though God lovingly called me out, He also gently encouraged me to just be diligent with my blog writing. That is my hope, my desire, and my first step to being faithful to things I'm called to do and to overcome the things that hold me down.

I'm not making any wild promises, like I'll post everyday. Most days I don't have anything worthwhile or significant to say. But then I remember that it's not my words I'm writing; they're His. And if He's willing to give me a second chance (and third and fourth), then I will do my best to honor His trust and belief in me.

I hope you will too.