Respond, not React

I'm reading a great book by Dr. Kevin Leman called Adolescence Isn't Terminal, It Just Feels Like It. Entering these awkward teenage years I'm starving for information on what to expect and how to handle all those hormones! It's been very insightful so far and I'm praying that when I finish the book I'll be better able to handle the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde teen that's living under my roof.

One of the things that Dr. Leman said was very important to remember was to respond to your teenagers, not react to them when they come at you with strange requests or rebellious acts. Reacting only blows things out of proportion, whereas responding allows you to deal with the situation in a more positive manner. As I read, I thought to myself, "OK, got it" and kept on reading. Obviously God wasn't not happy with that train of thinking and decided that an application would really help me out.

So on Monday afternoon, Abbey (my pre-teen) came home from a friend's house completely flustered. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that she really wanted a purse like the one her friend, Apolline, had to take on their upcoming school trip (actually she wanted her friend's purse not one just like it). I told her there was no time for me to go look for one before she left and that she would have to be content with what she had. Now, if you know Abbey, you know that she has a tendency to react negatively when things don't go her way, so I was expecting that in this situation. To my surprise Abbey listened to my reply and then went to her room. From my office I could hear some noises coming out of her room so I went over to check out what she was doing. As I opened the door I was shocked to see that she had rearranged her entire room! When I asked her what caused her to start moving things around she said, "This is how I'm dealing with not getting Apolline's purse!!" Rather than reacting negatively to her circumstances with an emotional tantrum and meltdown, Abbey decided to respond in a more constructive manner.

I think I needed that real life example to remind me that no matter what the circumstance or situation I'm facing, I need to respond not react. With my flawed nature that is not always easy for me, but I think God used Abbey to remind me to have that child-like faith and attitude He talks about in Scripture. I think He also used this to illustrate how much it grieves Him when I react rather than respond. Proverbs 17: 21 says, "To have a fool for a son (or daughter) brings grief; there is no joy for the father of a fool." As a child of God, I'm sure it saddens my Heavenly Father when I react foolishly to the situations and circumstances of life. But I know that He doesn't long for me to stay that way and in order for me to get the message, I needed to see how it looked in real life and not just read it on the pages of a book.

The next day, Abbey decided to see if Apolline would be willing to make a trade with her for the purse she wanted. Apolline accepted the offer and Abbey was happily gallivanting around the house with her "new purse" all night. Maybe that was God's way of rewarding her for responding and not reacting to her situation. I don't know. I can only imagine that there are blessings in store for us when we choose to respond rather than react. It's a child-like lesson I won't soon forget.