Slammed

Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like you are getting slammed by God? I know He doesn't want to have to use that method with us, but when we know He's been talking to us, correcting us, and rebuking us and we refuse to listen or do an about-face, then we give him no choice but to slam us. Today was one of those slam days for me.

I've been dealing with a range of emotions and issues since returning to China this summer after our holiday in the States. God has been trying to deal with me about some stuff and rather than heed His wisdom, I have run. Today He decided to stop me in my tracks.

First, was the Beth Moore video I watched. Of course, she told it like it was/is and I knew God was trying to get my attention. Then I had some time in the car to read (remember, I have a driver) and the words of my Discipleship Journal magazine jumped off the pages as story after story after story got right in my face. The breaking point, though, came tonight with Abbey. Struggling with her piano lesson and pleading to quit, I heard myself saying the very words God had been pursuing me with. The first two incidents I could easily close or turn off, but when the words start spewing out of your own mouth, there's no turning back. I was faced with the reality of my backsliding, defiant ways and there was no way out.

I don't think this is the way God hoped this situation would have come to pass, but I brought it upon myself. I can only hope to learn from my foolishness and begin to walk in the way of wisdom. For now, all I can do is quiet myself before the Lord and see where He goes from here. There will be conversation I'm sure...but I think I'll let Him do all the talking.